Theo knows me as Love and Light….and that truth is eternal
John and I LOVE to take Theo on walkie-talkie adventures at Oak Openings. To make it more fun, one of us takes Theo and the other takes Suki and we walk on different sides of Evergreen Lake and then meet in the middle, switch and return back to the car.
Yesterday, I had Suki for the first part of the adventure and John had Theo. When we met halfway, I fully expected Theo would switch and walk back with me, but he insisted on staying with Pop Pop…. AND he wanted Suki, too. So, I was left walking back to the car alone. Now, I love walking in the woods so it wasn't really a problem. BUT…..a part of me collapsed and started to pout…Theo prefers his Pop Pop. I'm not enough. Ridiculous, right?
In my heart, I know that's absolutely NOT the truth, but this stubborn, insistent, tantrum part of me (tells you its a very old belief) kept screaming, “Hey, GaGa…. Theo likes his Pop Pop better! Pop Pop wins, you're a loser!” And, that frozen part of me….locked in an old, familiar belief….. wanted to stomp my feet and demand he walk back with me.
In yoga, an old belief that no longer serves us, is called a samskara. Samkaras are unconscious beliefs that are a product of past experiences. Thus, based on our past experiences we make assumptions about the present that may not be our truth.
But, here's the secret about samskaras…..once they become conscious….and, we realize they're our guiding force. …we have a choice. We can do what we've always done or we can declare, “Hey stinky, persistent, 'I'm not enough' belief, I don't need you today. Go away and stay away! I'm an extradinary Gaga and my grandson, Theo, loves me. In this moment he simply chooses his Pop Pop. Its no reflection on me or my relationship with him. "
So…. how do you make a samskara conscious?
First, notice when you suddenly feel prickly, stuck or there is a shift of emotions. (For me the wonder of the walk in the forest and time with family suddenly took a back seat to feeling unworthy)
Pause and name what's happening….be conscious. Three deep breaths can give you the time and space to break old patterns. (My old pattern was to feel worthless…you may recognize that old belief or you may havew your own)
While pausing, take a few moments to place one hand on your heart and one hand on your low belly and intend Reiki support you. For Master Reiki Practitioners, invoke the Master Symbol. (Don't know about the power of Reiki? Consider joining me for a Reiki Session or Reiki Training.)
You now have a choice…..do what's familiar….or make the highest possible choice for yourself in that moment. Sometimes, the highest choice is being present with the discomfort or redirecting your attention. (I chose to feel the warmth of the sun on my face, to be grateful for this walk in my favorite metropark and to soak up precious time with family.
Does that mean I will never feel unworthy again. Heavens no! This samskara is ancient for me…..feeling ‘not enough’ took root in my unconscious years ago. But, I have the tools to hold that pesky samskara with reverence and then kindly choose my greater truth. As Theo grows our relationship will ebb and flow, but the truth is….Theo knows me as love and Light….and that truth is eternal.